Changes

I have been trying to get the time (and motivation) to write for some time now. The Lord has blessed us in so many ways this year, and it's time I finally got around to sharing them.

I spend massive amounts of time in reflection lately: about the upcoming move and our final days near the water, the beauty of Colorado Springs and what a fantastic area it will be for Big Boy to grow, and my recent promotion to major -- a push forward that I desperately wanted, but that comes with a completely different level of responsibility.

Things change so quickly. A few weeks ago, we worked desperately to prepare the house for sale. Now we find ourselves unwilling to take the market loss, but blessed with incredible tenants who've signed on for three years. After two trips to Colorado for house hunting, we managed to buy a gorgeous '70s mountain home in Monument, and I felt markedly better when SuperHusband saw it and fell instantly in love. (Few marital pressures compare to one partner trusting the other to make a six-figure investment sight unseen.) We grow more excited about the move with each passing day.

And yet, with the move, comes loss. The joy of military life is that you maintain a network of friends the world over. The bane is that you are torn away from your dearest friends over and over until, as the years pass, you begin to stop reaching out. We found a very special church home here -- this will be our toughest departure in eight years. Our Christian friends have enriched our lives in remarkable and life-altering ways, and we hate to move on in search of something that will never quite compare. Ever had a hard time finding a good stylist after a move? Imagine that times 100. (I've got that to look forward to, too. Dang it.)

Big Boy still personifies the "little doll" and will probably resent such a characterization when he's old enough to distinguish masculine from feminine. His angelic little features resemble SuperHusband in so many ways, and they melt me. I cannot imagine the person who wouldn't move heaven and earth to see him grow. (But then I realize that I am, of course, partial.)

We took him to the beach for family pictures last weekend -- the trip bittersweet, as we dipped our toes in the azure, bathwater-like Gulf one last time. What a place...so freaking humid and miserable sometimes, scrubby and downright ugly as you move inland. But if you're within earshot of those crashing waves, see the whitecaps, or when you walk in that powdery white sand, you simply never want to leave. (Try going for a jog about three blocks inland, and you'll come back to your senses.)

And then there's the return to a singular military title in the household. Once again, when people call and as for "Major Nelson," I can politely ask, "Which one?" When I worked six months a year in uniform, I couldn't wait to make major. Now that I've done it, I'm terrified I won't live up to it. No more "bys" based on junior rank. Where did the time go? When Col Parker commissioned a fresh young lieutenant, majors were old. They were field grade officers meant to be feared. What the heck happened? I am so incredibly proud of SuperHusband and all the opportunities and achievements he's had. I think more than anything I just don't want to embarrass him or hurt his reputation. I've had a fantastic go, but cutting back to one or two months a year will dull anyone's instincts and job skills. It's such a small Air Force, and my community of Public Affairs is tiny. He remarked to me the other day that he found himself mystified by the importance of networking and reputation in our field -- a concept foreign to him since his job doesn't require extensive inter-agency coordination across the Force.

That leaves me in an interesting place, career-wise. I'm thinking of going back to work more, if I can find enough duty in the local area to sustain me for a couple weeks a month or a few days a week. I had hoped to open the photography studio, but once again those plans may be on hold. I just don't know. No doubt the doors will open that are supposed to, and the ones that are not will close.

Despite these frets and minor misgivings, we are undeniably and remarkably happy right now. We have one another, our boy, and every need met. I'm not sure why we deserve all this, but I can tell you that six months ago, I never would have believed things would be so good again.